Hey y’all. It’s time for some more funny pages. Sooner or later I’m going to get around to
blogging about something meaningful to either your or me, but for now, I’ll
have a few jokes for ya.
We’ll start out with a few
quickies...
I just read an article on the dangers of eating too much fat and
drinking too much and it scared the heck out of me. So I told myself,
"That's it!"
After today, no more reading.
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a bridge.
The Doctor says, "What's come over you?"
The guy says, "Three cars and a truck!"
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been
here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well
when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't,
can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room watching a drama about
a man who lost consciousness and went into a coma.
He says to her "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens to me, just pull the
plug."
His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.
Jim was 26 over par by the eighth hole, had landed a fleet of golf balls
in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the
rough, when his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt. Jim exploded.
"You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!" he screamed.
"I doubt it," replied the caddy. "That would be too much of a
coincidence."
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their
stalls.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our
country.
Maybe we should give them all a cow.
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him
up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the
closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks
in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does."
